Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.Jim RohnParenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.

Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively to the biological relationship. From talking and reading to infants to enunciating values (best done in conversations around the dinner table), parents exert enormous influence over their children’s development. It’s especially important that parents give children a good start, but it’s also important for parents to recognize that kids come into the world with their own temperaments, and it’s the parents’ job to provide an interface with the world that eventually prepares a child for complete independence.

In a rapidly changing world, parenting seems subject to fads and changing styles, and parenting in some ways has become a competitive sport. But the needs of child development as delineated by science remain relatively stable. There is such a thing as over parenting, and aiming for perfection in parenting might be a fool’s mission.

Too much parenting cripples children as they move into adulthood and renders them unable to cope with the merest setbacks. Of course, there is also such a thing as too-little parenting, too, and research establishes that lack of parental engagement often leads to poor behavioral outcomes in children, in part because it encourages the young to be too reliant on peer culture.

Ironically, harsh or authoritarian styles of parenting can have the same effect.To parent effectively, it’s not enough to simply avoid the obvious dangers like abuse, neglect, or overindulgence. Indeed, The National Academy of Sciences delineates four major responsibilities for parents: 

1. Maintaining children’s health and safety
2. Promoting their emotional well-being
3. Instilling social skills
4. Preparing children intellectually. 

Numerous studies suggest that the best-adjusted children are reared by parents who find a way to combine warmth and sensitivity with clear behavioral expectations. Parents may find the Four C’s to be a helpful acronym: Care (showing acceptance and affection), Consistency (maintaining a stable environment), Choices (allowing the child to develop autonomy), Consequences (applying repercussions of choices, whether positive or negative).

Quality Time spent with Children

Quality time (QT) is an informal reference to time spent with close family, partners or friends that is in some way important, special, productive or profitable. It is time that is set aside for paying full and undivided attention to the person or matter at hand.What exactly does ‘quality time’ mean? It’s an expression we hear often but is hard to quantify – every family is different, and its meaning will vary from household to household.

For some people it may mean pulling out the board games once a week, for others it’s having in-depth conversations around the dinner table, and for some it may be enjoying a sport together. Whatever it means to you, it’s essential that you make it a priority for yourself, your relationship and your family.

In the hustle and bustle of life, have you ever wondered if it was okay to push family time aside for all of your other responsibilities? How are we to know just how important family time is to a growing child? Does it affect their emotional well-being and development? It shouldn’t come as any surprise that family time is very important to children and to adults. As humans, we crave interaction and it’s important in our relationships with each other to spend time as a family and to nurture a safe environment to call home.

Studies have shown that children need time to feel like they are needed and wanted and the more of that time they receive, the more likely they will be able to go out and conquer the world, or at least the 1st grade!  Most of us are caught up in a hectic whirlwind of activities which start on Monday morning, end on Sunday night and then begin all over again. Time slips by as we rush to complete urgent tasks which relate to juggling jobs, running the household, chauffeuring our children, our parents, relatives and spouses to work, school, appointments and commitments.

Yet, we all acknowledge, that spending quality time together is the best way we have to show each other that we care and that our families are important. Some families solve this problem by organizing big family holidays together. This allows them to get away from the day-to-day distractions and interact by building new experiences together. However, whilst, this is a great option, daily habits can make a much bigger difference to your family relationships than “once-in-a-lifetime” events. In addition, specifically tailoring your daily interactions with different members of your family can be an effective way to relate to them on a 1-on-1 basis.

The amount of time spent with children has been on the climb since 1985, but this first large scale study of its kind says it’s not the amount oftime you spend with kids between 12 and 18 years old. Instead, it’s the quality of what you do together that matters. The authors categorize parent-child time in two ways Accessible time – time where the parents are physically available to their children Engaged time – where the parent and child spend time doing something together.So even if it’s a small amount of time that you do share with them, make sure it counts.

Reasons Spending Time with Family is Important Builds Self-Esteem – First of all, children who spend quality time with their loved ones have self-confidence. They are more sociable because they sense that their parents value them. Also, kids with self-esteem find it easy to build relationships. Nurtures positive behaviors – Consequently, kids will start to develop positive behaviors because loved ones influence them. A 2012 study reflected that children who ate regular meals with their families performed better in school.

Furthermore, adolescents who spent more time with their parents tended not to abuse alcohol. Creates memories – Another reason for having family time is to make memories. Children share more about their lives in these situations that if you ask them ‘What happened in school today? Relieves stress – chatting with your loved ones will help to reduce your stress.

Talking about worries eases it. Model Good Behavior – Children often mirror their behavior after that of the people they spend the most time with. If they aren’t spending time with you and learning good behavior, habits and morals from you, who are they learning it from? Learn Children’s Strengths– When you spend quality time with your children, you can start to identify their strengths, as well as begin to identify areas for improvement.

Through this, you can help them grow as a person by building on their strengths and helping them reach their full potential. Voice Thoughts and Feelings – Think back on the time when you were growing up. There are many things that happen throughout your child’s and teenager’s lives that they need to talk about. By spending quality time with your children, you are giving them the comfort level and time to share these things with you.

It encourages communication – When you spend time with your children you are fostering an environment for open communication. Good communication is important for your children to feel comfortable with talking to about anything. Simply asking your child how their day ask gone can make a big difference.

It can help your child’s academic performance – Spending time helping your children with schoolwork or reading together, especially in their early years, will foster an environment that values academics. If your child feels comfortable coming to you with schoolwork, they are more likely to perform better academically. Instilling Everlasting Values – Children observe, process, and assimilate values from their parents as well as their immediate surroundings.

Everything they learn is through years and years of ingraining of morals and principles, which the family upholds. Children learn to be respectful towards elders and protective towards younger siblings and cousins. They learn the difference between right and wrong, safe and unsafe. They grow up to understand the value of education, hard work, honesty, kindness, and forgiveness. Children gradually become more receptive to the challenges their parents face and all the hardships they have undergone in their own personal lives. Acceptance and Strength of Character – A family offers the perfect environment for the child to develop a healthy and balanced personality.

Good parents accept their children for who they are and never compare them or judge them. Children must be given the freedom to express their feelings, and creativity without a worry in the world. Parents must be aware of their children’s talents and accordingly provide them with further training and encouragement, so that the children feel more confident about themselves. Confidence can take people far and help them contribute positively to the society. Similarly your child too can grow up to become a confident individual, only and only if you give him or her your support.

How Not Spending Time with Your Child Affects ThemBreakdown in Family Bonds and Communication – It’s no secret that communicating with your children is important. In fact, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the simple art of listening to your child is one of the most basic, but most effective, ways to prevent your child from engaging in risky behavior. Moreover, reports from the Office of National Drug Control Strategy indicate that strong family bonds can prevent children from developing drug problems.

Whether he’s 2 or 12, if you feel that you’re not spending enough one-on-one time bonding with your child, try enhancing the time that you do have by simply talking and listening to him when you’re cooking, eating dinner, shopping or driving.

Emotional Distress – According to research reported on familyfacts.org, the children of parents who are frequently absent throughout the day — such as when they wake up, come home from school, eat dinner and go to bed — are more likely to feel emotionally distressed than their peers. In addition, familyfacts.org reports that there is a strong correlation between parental involvement and a child’s self-esteem and “internal controls,” which points to a child’s ability to regulate his emotions. In other words, involved parents equate to happier kids.

Academics – Spending quality time with your child not only impacts his emotional and social well-being, but also can impact his long-term academic success. Not surprisingly, children whose parents are involved in their daily lives tend to perform better academically than their counterparts. They are more likely to graduate or earn a GED. Why? Because parents who spend time with their children tend to read to their children more when they’re young, help them more with their homework and have higher academic expectations — all of which influence a child’s desire and ability to succeed in school.

Risky Behaviors

Not spending enough time with your child can lead to a multitude of detrimental behavioral problems. For instance, according to research reported on familyfacts.org, children who do not have strong bonds with their parents are more likely to become involved in risky, antisocial behaviors, including aggression and delinquency, unsafe sexual relationships and teen pregnancy and tobacco and illegal drug use. Many of these behaviors can be prevented through the simple act of spending time with your child.Time Management by Parents

Types of Parents nowadays:

• A single parent mother
• A single parent father
• Two working parents
• A single parent who is working
• A single parent who is not working
• A grandparent
• Parent with one or two or several children
• Parents who have limited access to their children

Time Management by Working ParentsThere is always a silent war raging in the mommy world since time immemorial. Not everyone would say it loud but most people have an opinion about women who choose to stay at home after having children or be a working mother. But it is not easy being a working mother and it’s equally difficult being a stay at a home mom.

This is a classic ‘the grass is greener’ case that keeps the inhabitants of the mommy world awake at night. While the critics may spend hours counting the benefits and drawbacks of the choices women make, what they need to focus is whether being a stay at home or a working mother has a different effect on the upbringing of a child.

Parenting

What  is exactly quality time Comparing it to old ways of spending time Summer vacations at village, reading comics, going at relatives, getting connected to grandparents, physical play, family 

Importance of Quality time spent with children

Working woman started working after baby and then quit the job (Chandani)Mina Sharma left her job in a software company two years after her first child was born. She had initially joined her office after completing her maternity leave. Her mother in law looked after the child while she was in office but Mina was uncomfortable seeing the little one turning into a reluctant child. He was a slow learner and compared to other children of his age, he looked underdeveloped.

She decided to quit the job to give a full attention to her son. Being a busy career woman for almost ten years, it wasn’t easy for her to do the role of a stay at home mother. However the time and energy she had invested on her son bore fruit when he grew up to become a confident man. According to her taking a break from to look after her child was the best decision of her life.Women’s feelingsTime management by herImpact on the child Pros and Cons

Stay at Home mothers – Homemaker (Renu)

Working woman – Full time working (any teacher) With single child With 2 children Day care Care taker Grandparent Father working from homePart time working (Me)Many companies provide the option of part time working to employees. Such option give immense advantages to working mothers as they can work as well as take care of their child effectively.

Over here the parents can pursue the option of putting the child in day care, leaving the child at grandparents or keeping the care taker at home. Time management skills: Parents can rule out the daily routine Preparing child’s routine  Delegating the details to care takers Weekly meal planning on every Sunday Keeping the meals simple and according to the need of the child Partner can help in house work chores Taking extra help Delegate the work Social time for kids mandatoryPros – Parents can devote more meaningful time with kids Less expensive Work from home (Manasi mom com India)There are millions of women who would have done what Pallavi did without giving it a second thought.

For a mother, nothing matters more than the well being of her child. Moreover, there is this popular belief in our society that stays at home mothers can raise their children better than those who give their career more importance than family. In our hurry to throw stones at other’s choices we forget to consider the importance of proper parenting rather than being just a caregiver and loving mother.

Unlike Pallavi there are also stays at home mothers who seemed to have got it all wrong. Tania Mehta, a homemaker is always at her wits end whenever her 7 years old daughter Riya throws a tantrum, which, unfortunately, is quite often. The little girl depends on her mother for everything. At an age when her peers are happily mingling with other children and eat their food on their own without any fuss, Tania’s daughter still behaved like a toddler who constantly demanded her mother’s company.

She was worried about her temper and one particular incident left her speechless. They went for dinner and took Riya with them. Riya insisted to have the same food what her parents ordered and flatly declined to have anything parents chose from kid’s menu. When food arrived her mother asked her to eat her food 

herself. What happened was beyond an imagination. She simply played with her food and littered it everywhere. When mother asked her to behave properly, Riya started crying. Both Pallavi and Tania are stay at home mothers, while the former is happy about her role in bringing up her son to become a well behaved and confident man, the latter is worried if her constant presence made her daughter over dependent on her.

The key being a good mother does not merely depend on your constant presence in your child’s life but its more about your parenting skills. To be a good parent one needs to strike the perfect balance. Be a loving parent and a strict disciplinarian whenever required. To do that one doesn’t need to be a stay at home mother or a working woman.

Whatever choice you make, you need to know that being a good mother does not mean you constantly shower your child with love and affection. Parenting is as much about being with your children as it isn’t about taking care of them from a distance. Mothers should aim to be good mother first, irrespective of whether they are homemakers or working professionals, said Aditi Gupta Psychologist.