Relationship Stages I have several relationships, friendships and boyfriends, over the years that started off great and for some reason or another ended. I have a clear account that I can recall taking me through every stage of relationships, as discussed in Chapter Ten, from the Interpersonal Communication Book. I dealt with the dying of relations with the same methods suggested in the text, such as seeking support and avoiding negative patterns. I will discuss some of these stages and how they personally affected me.
The beginning of a friendship or personal bond between two individuals always begins with contact first, followed by involvement. These steps are the most interesting to me because of my tendency to base every aspect of a person on my initial reaction to them. If a person comes off as rude or self- centered, I am initially turned away from them, always carrying that image of them. Even if I get close with them and understand more of their personality, I always seem to keep my initial judgment of them close to me.
On the other hand, if someone is very personable, nice, and seemingly takes interests in myself, or in my actions, I am more apt to always try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I’ll find myself thinking, “They must just be going through a rough time because this is not the person I met. ” Even though I’m aware that people put up phony fronts all the time for social purposes. Initial contact is very important to me, even to a fault. It shapes the way I’m involved with another person.
I have many relationships with people that have stayed strong throughout my life by repairing bonds immediately. A few of the negative relationships I’ve encountered always seem to go from the intimacy stage to deterioration and dissolution rapidly. It’s not long after becoming intimate, sharing personal matters and trust with friends or bonding with a boyfriend, that I will conclude the person is or is not in the best interest of my life at that time. Especially with boyfriends, I have always been quick to walk away if I my expectations, even unrealistic ones, are not met.
It begins to deteriorate and I will go through a form of dissolution called, interpersonal separation, where I will begin to live a separate life. Most bonds I have built with people are still strong today with work and love but a few of them have ended shortly after intimacy. Responding in self- destructive ways to losing someone close or participating in self- pity never make a situation better. I’ve found using many of the suggestions found in the text were the most helpful.
Seeking support of my closest family, mainly my sister, has always been a great way for me to take pain away, that I encounter through a ended relationship. Now that I’m happily married I often make sure that I’m not repeating negative patterns. I don’t let myself compare him to the past. I know that he is unique and so is our relationship. I try to be very mindful of that when going through rough patches with him. Being surrounded by friends and family is the best cure for loneliness and depression.
I hold friendships and my relationships with family and my husband very close to my heart. Great relationships are sacred to me. Along my journey I encountered people that I have gone through the stages of getting to know someone with. Whether they ended amicably or not it’s never easy losing someone. It’s always best to respond positively to the end of them by avoiding negative patterns and seeking support. Maintaining the strong bonds that I have with certain people takes work and repair, but it is very worth it.